What are You?
by haze1982
Summary: Set after SB's death in OoTP. Severus notices something that is undetected by the others after Sirius' death. He follows Remus and decides to confront him. Rated T for minor language. Full of Angst and Comfort. One Shot and part of the "If you dare" Challenge. Using the prompt: Alone


_**What are you?**_

_**Disclaimer: Still don't own them...they belong to J.K. Rowling...**_

_**One of my submissions for the "If you dare challenge..." Prompt: 189: Alone over at the HP FF Challenges Forum. **_

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Remus shoved his hands in his pocket and looked over the books in the library at 12 Grimmauld Place. He wasn't exactly in a particular mood to read. He wanted something else to look at. The walls in his room were utterly the same as the last six days he'd spent staring at them. Other than watching the walls, he'd embraced young Harry Potter and told him stories of Sirius Orion Black. He was his friend and he was divulging stories nearly every day of their wayward youth. Harry smiled at the stories of how smart, intelligent, and courageous he had been.

Remus braved the smile he always had whilst telling Fred and George of the pranks Sirius orchestrated. They looked on in amazement and started taking notes. Through his stories of long ago, he smiled. The members of the Order of the Phoenix sat around the long table with a candle lit in front of each of them. With the exception of Severus as he had other matters to attend. Ginny and Hermoine cried on Remus' shoulder, as did Harry many times since Sirius went through the veil. Remus embraced each of them tightly and still, he smiled softly and another slab of mortar was placed about the brick encasing his heart. Severus did come by late and informed Dumbledore of the Deatheater movements. Severus noticed the others going to Remus for comfort. He arched a brow and offered Dumbledore his condolences before he left. He stopped for a small moment and looked at Remus' face. He nodded towards Remus and then he was gone.

Remus ran a finger over the spine of the books as he thought of the last few days. He was about to make his selection when Molly told him that lunch was now ready. They all ate in silence. After everyone had finished eating, he helped Molly with the lunch dishes. He still enjoyed doing it the old fashioned way. It helped to take his mind off other matters. He washed and Molly dried. He looked at her for a moment and smiled crookedly when he saw the pain in her eyes.

"He would make jokes to me after meals. He sat at the end of the table and would talk to me," Molly looked up at Remus as she spoke. Remus dropped the dishes in the water filling the sink and wrapped his arms around her.

"It's all right, Molly," he rubbed the center of her back gently and took in a deep breath. "War is very difficult but he did not die in vain. Remember his jokes. His voice. As long as we remember, they're never gone."

"You're right, Remus. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for, Molly," he looked her in the eye and he smiled.

_**#######**_

That evening, the Order gathered around the table for the meeting. Severus sat across from Remus with the trademark stoic expression. He observed as Tonks took her seat beside Remus and Molly to the other. Everyone was quiet for a moment as the first official meeting since Black's death convened.

"Right, let's start the meeting. We need to remain vigilant. The cause cannot be forgotten," Mad Eye announced.

"And it will not be forgotten, Alastor. I know that Sirius is no longer with us. However, we must remember that we have to fight the good fight. We will continue to fight in his honor as well as for others who have lost their lives from this war," Dumbledore said as he motioned for everyone to take a seat. "Now, shall we begin?"

Severus had very little to report to the Order that they already didn't know. He spent his time observing the people that surrounded him. He watched the younger members look at Black's empty chair, then immediately at Remus. He gave them the reassuring smile. Tonks did the same and Remus comforted her with a gentle hug. He nodded his head to pay attention to what Shacklebolt was saying when Fred got distracted. Severus wasn't exactly staring. He was keenly aware that when no one else looked at Remus or Black's chair, Lupin would bow his head and rub his forehead just for a second. Only to smile kindly when someone looked at him for reassurance.

After the meeting, everyone started to leave and Remus escorted the ones who were departing to the door. He offered numerous free hugs and kind words. Severus went unnoticed for a moment. He had known Remus since they were children. He knew from a certain look in the other man's eyes when the smile was forced or when it was a real one. He narrowed his eyes and stayed quiet as he watched Molly and Remus in the kitchen.

"I'm going for a walk, Molly. Tell Arthur and the kids I'll be back soon."

"Are you all right, dear?"

"I'm fine, Molly. I just need some air is all."

Remus turned heel and went to the closet to get his cloak. He closed the door gently as not disturb the horrid, shrill woman in the portrait. Molly watched him leave and turned. She jumped at the sight of Severus still standing by the table, drinking the last bit of his tea.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I didn't see you there."

Severus arched a brow and nodded, "I would say that's obvious. I was just leaving. I'll see you next meeting." He nodded to her and walked towards the door. Once he'd stepped outside, he looked to the left and then to the right. He saw a rather tall gentleman towards the right and set off to follow him. He walked for a very long time before coming to a park. Severus leaned against a light pole and continued his observations. He watched as Remus stopped in the middle of the park and look towards the night sky. They, seemingly, were the only two people out at this time of night.

Remus shoved his hands in his patchy robes' pockets and closed his eyes tight. He hoped that this all had been a bad dream and Padfoot would come out from the bushes to surprise him. After all, he was very skilled in pranks. Would it not be a joke, albeit cruel joke, if he showed up and pounced on him? He reached in his pocket and pulled out the rubber ball. Silly as it seems, Sirius did love to come here when he was under house arrest to play with the ball in his animagus form. Remus never told that he snuck his friend out for a bit of air. No one was the wiser. He tossed the ball up in the air and caught it.

"I miss you so much."

Severus crooked his neck while he listened to Remus speaking to no one. He stepped closer towards the last member of the group of boys who were the most infamous friends in Hogwarts history.

"I am truly alone now. I'm surrounded by people but I...I wish I could cry." He put the ball back in his pocket and lowered his head. "I'm sorry I didn't save you. I'm so sorry."

Severus folded his arms across his chest and pushed himself away from the pole that held him up. He walked towards Remus slowly and stood beside him. Remus furrowed his brow and looked at the dark Potion's Master.

"The full moon is in a week, Lupin."

Remus took in a deep breath and composed his emotions. "That it is."

"A cauldron of your Wolfsbane is at my laboratory. Apparate with me to Hogwarts. Of course, just outside the gates."

"Of course, Severus. Thank you. I'd completely forgotten."

"I am not surprised. Don't dawdle," Severus said as he disappeared. He stood outside the Hogwarts gate and waited for Remus to appear. Remus stumbled forward, nearly falling on his face had Severus not caught him. Severus stood him up right and nodded.

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Thank you for catching me."

Severus waved off the pleasantries and motioned for Remus to follow him to the Dungeons. The loud echoes of Snape's boots bounced off the walls as they walked quickly towards his lab. Remus kept his stride with Severus, walking in silence. When they entered the lab, Severus went to his cabinet to retrieve the goblet. He motioned towards the stool for Remus to sit down. Remus quirked a brow and took his seat.

"Don't touch anything when you're in here. Only the potion."

"Yes, Severus. I appreciate you making this for me."

"Why are you thanking me?"

"Because it's the proper thing to do. You were nice enough to remember to take the time to make it for me. I'm sorry that it slipped my mind that-"

"I took the time to make it for you because I'm nice? I've been called numerous things and nice has never been one."

"You can be when you want to be."

"And what are you?" Severus said as he poured Lupin's potion in the goblet for him. He held it out to the man.

"What am I?"

"I do believe I spoke quite clearly. Drink."

Remus nodded and rose the disgusting potion to his lips, throwing in back to drink it in one swallow. He shuddered slightly as the taste never seem to get better but only worse.

"Answer my question. What are you?"

"I'm ..."

"You're nice? Kind? Gentle? Mean? Hateful? A Monster?"

Remus arched his brow and put his hands in his lap. He bowed his head and licked his lips thoughtfully. "Severus. What do you want from me?"

"I want nothing from you. That's the problem, actually_." Too many people take from this man that lets them. He wants so badly to be accepted that along the way, he forgot to care for himself. _

"Severus. I am very tired. Thank you again. I can see myself to the floo." Remus stood and started walking towards the door.

"Stop right there."

Remus' entire body tensed and he stood up straight. Snape had spoken to him in a tone as you would a petulant child. He took another step forward and had little time to react when Snape's boots hurried across the floor. He shut the door with an ominous slam and stood in front of it. Looking straight in Remus' eyes, holding his gaze.

"I believe I told you to stop."

"I believe that I am a grown man."

"Wolf. What are you?"

"I know what I'm feeling and that's incredibly agitated at the precise moment, Severus. What in the name of Merlin are you on about?"

"Answer the question."

"Fine. You want an answer? I don't know, okay? I have no clue what I am. I know what I've been called by people but..."

"And what do they call you?"

"You call me a bloody wolf every chance you damned well get. Others call me nice, sweet, compassionate, and smart. A good professor. All of that."

"Why do they call you those things?"

"You're asking far too many questions, Severus. Could you please get to the point? If you even have a point."

"I'd rather you come to the conclusions yourself. It's been a week since Black's death and all I've seen out of you, Lupin..."

"Severus. I will say this clearly. Do not speak ill of him when he's just passed. I am deathly adamant about this."

Severus tilted his head and took a step forward. "What if I told you I missed him, too? What if I started crying? What if I looked towards his chair with a hollow feeling?"

"Do you feel that way?" Remus looked surprised and confused but he stepped forward to console the man the best he could if he needed.

"No. I just wanted you to see for yourself."

"See what?"

"The fact that I have known you for years and I want you to see it, too."

Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose and bowed his head, "Severus, please. I am in no mood to solve riddles at the moment."

"You're hurting, Lupin. You're dying inside and I see it. You're playing the best farce of a man who's got it together and capable of holding _every_ sniveling brat or colleague that comes to you for comfort. Have you even cried?"

"Why do you care?"

"Fair question."

"And the probability of you answering it?"

"I won't. Not now in any case. But I will tell you this. Don't exert so much effort on healing everyone when you aren't even healed. You forgot to take care of yourself tonight and I had to remind you."

"I had a lapse this week. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Answer another question. How are you feeling?"

"I'm perfectly fine."

"You're not fine, Lupin. _How_ are you feeling?"

Remus tilted his head to the side and looked at Severus pleadingly. He rose his hands up to his chest and started to rub them together. Severus took two steps closer to the werewolf and spoke evenly, "Lupin?"

"Severus, I beg you. Please, let me go."

Severus arched his brow, "Answer the question. I expect an honest answer."

Remus lowered his head and stared at his worn shoes and the patched knees of his trousers. "I...I feel. I feel that you're just wanting to break me."

"Why on earth would I do that?"

"It is no secret of your animosity towards me. In fact, the knowledge is rather public."

"I do not hate you. I may be disappointed but I have no abhorrence for you. How are you feeling?"

Remus lifted his chin slightly and met eyes with Severus. He started to tremble and took in a breath before he answered. The words came out barely audible and Severus nearly missed them when Remus said, "I'm lost. I miss him. I miss them all. I'm the last one."

"Pettigrew was in your group, though."

Remus' eyes flashed from blue to a terrifying shade of amber in less than a second. "Do not mention his name. He's not worth even his name or recognizing he ever existed."

"And you're lost and angry. How do you feel seeing all your friends cry?"

"I feel horrible that they're in pain. I don't want them to hurt. I feel-"

"Lupin? What do you feel?"

"I shouldn't say more, Severus. Can I please leave?"

"Not until you tell me what else you feel."

Remus bowed his head and clenched his jaw tight. He felt his body trembling. "It's an erroneous emotion."

"Lupin. Remus. Tell me."

"Jealous because I can't cry. I haven't cried. I'm numb inside," he whispered ever so softly.

"But you hold those that can yet you're envious?"

"Yes," Remus swallowed hard.

"Why can't you cry, Remus?"

The tall man dropped his hands to the side and bit his lower lip. "I can't. I don't know. When I saw Sirius slip through the veil, my heart stopped. Then, Harry tried to follow him. I had to stop him. After he left, I wanted to... I felt paralyzed, Severus. Who would want to hold a werewolf? All the ones that did are gone."

"Have you asked them?"

"I'm never asked to hold them. I simply do it. It shouldn't have to be asked."

Severus nodded and took one more step until he was directly in front of Remus. "Contrary to what you think of me, I am not utterly without emotions. I only save them when the situation is needed."

"Severus? I miss him."

"I know, Remus. It would be agonizingly obvious if one would only observe you."

"I miss them."

"Strangely, I do as well. Times were simpler."

Remus felt a slow tear escape his eye and Severus didn't miss it. He rose a finger to Remus' cheek and caught the single tear on his pointer finger and rubbed it between his thumb.

"They were the best times of my life. I'm sorry the hell you were put through, though."

"I'm sorry the hell you're going through right now, Remus."

Severus didn't say another word. He took the final step and wrapped his arms around Remus' thin frame. He let the man lay his head on his shoulder and weep. He held him tight to his body and permitted Remus to cry as much as he needed. Remus wrapped his long, delicate fingers in the fabric of Severus' cloak for dear life into his fists. One would expect Snape to make a snide remark of sentimentality. He did not. He only wrapped his arms around Remus, collecting the pieces of the shattered brick wall Remus built around his heart upon his shoulder.

"Why do you care?" the trembling man asked, his voice cracking through his tears.

Severus took a deep breath and ran a hand through Remus' hair as he consoled his former classmate and colleague. "I knew a woman a long time ago who was there for me when no one else was, Remus. I had to muck it up and say something reckless. She taught me how to be there for those who needed it the most. Consequently, I saw someone in a crowd of people who deserved the same compassion that he gave everyone else. You aren't alone."

"I'm not?"

Severus rolled his eyes and took the moment to smile while Lupin had his face buried in his shoulder. "You're a dunderhead. I happen to be holding you and it should be quite obvious that I'm another human being. No, you're not alone. Silly wolf."

Lupin chuckled for a moment and pulled back, wiping the tears on the back of his sleeve. "Thank you, Severus."

"Really, Lupin. Why thank me for something such as this? If you insist on thanking me, remember to take care of yourself and stop concerning yourself with attempting to fix everyone's problems." Snape reached into his robes and pulled out a green Slytherin handkerchief to offer it to Remus. He took it and wiped away his tears, breathing out a sigh of relief.

"I will try, Severus."

Severus arched a brow and smiled inwardly when he watched Remus' true smile return and the blue filling his eyes from the amber. "I expect to see you every night for the following week for your potion. My floo is open to the headquarters now, so you should have no problem."

"Yes. Yes, I will definitely do that. Am I free to leave now?"

"Of course, Remus. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Good night, Severus," Remus said as he held the tear soaked cloth back to the Potion's Master.

"Good night, Lupin. Keep the handkerchief and remember this."

_**###########**_

Severus walked Remus to the hearth and grabbed a handful of the powder after he left. Snape went back to his home at Spinner's end and walked through the sitting room. Pettigrew came towards Severus with his shoulders hunkered forward and head lowered, hands together in a submissive fashion. Severus stopped dead still and observed the cowering man in front of him.

"What is it?"

"How was the service for Sirius? I heard he perished at the-"

"Why do you care?" Severus arched a brow.

"They were my friends. How is Remus?"

Severus folded his arms over his chest and tilted his head, "I was under the impression you were on the Dark Lord's side now. Remember? You wanted to save your own filthy hide."

"Sev-"

"You will not speak my name. In fact, I have already allowed you to speak too many words. You are my servant and should be cleaning the cauldrons in my basement. As far as your Marauder 'friends', they are perfectly fine without you and your inadequate concerns."

"I never meant to -"

"Silence!"

Pettigrew cowered and flinched. Severus saw the man's reaction and took one step closer, then another, and stopped directly in front of Pettigrew. He peered down at him whilst standing to his full height. He rose his fingers to his lips and watched as the sniveling rat cowered even more.

"Please, don't hurt me. I beg your mercy."

"Do you feel as if you should be tortured? Should I perform a few unforgivables on you? Force you to sleep on the cold, stony floor of my cellar?"

Peter didn't know what to say and looked up in the dark eyes of Severus'. Severus bent over and Peter felt his hot breath flowing over his ear. He cleared his throat and in a soft, low voice he whispered, "You simply aren't worth my exertion to punish you. I recommend that your time in my presence is limited to the point of non-existent. You do nothing but appall me to even look at you. Your only order is to act as though you do not exist. Do you know what you are?"

Peter frowned and squeaked, "What?"

"You. Are. Nothing." Severus sneered, standing to his full height and climbed the stairs to his bedroom. He slammed the door, leaving Peter alone in the sitting room. The rat closed his eyes tightly and realized that he was completely alone.

The End~

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_E/N: I got this idea after a chat with my friend and it only cemented when I read a story here where Pettigrew is a jerk. It's by __Cuchulain-Setanta called "Remus's Secret revealed". Anyways, I didn't really like Pettigrew to begin with...and even more so after I read the aforementioned story. I had so many feels throughout the story, I admit to actually letting a few tears escape._

_When I am truly upset with someone, I act like they don't exist..._

_I hope you liked the story. It's just a short little one-shot full of angst. I have to do my homework now ...but I thought writing FF was more fun yay!_


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